This List Goes To 11: Tech Predictions for 2008
January 2nd, 2008 by Patrick
Apart from stuff that occurs to me randomly, I mostly talk about two things in this blog: technology and celebrities. Because the lives of the famous in 2008 will likely be more of the same - weddings, crotch shots, and DUI arrests - I’m only going to predict on tech.
1. Wireless Uploads - New technologies will allow us all to start uploading and downloading everything wirelessly this year, finally freeing us from the tyranny of the USB cable. Apple will come out with some spectacular application, probably an iPhone that which sends your home movies straight to cable networks desperate for content. Tinfoil hats will become a popular fashion statement.
2. More Users, More Content - Ease of uploading means that there will be more user generated content than ever, leading to an explosion of brilliant film, music, and multimedia work from previously unknown geniuses. It’ll be just like when we got all that great literature after the word processor replaced the typewriter. Oh, wait. What I meant to say was, most of it will suck because most people are kind of stupid.
3. Bandwidth Issues - Explosive growth in social networks, downloading, uploading, and hi-def will place new stress on internet infrastructure. While it won’t collapse, it will get unusably slow from time to time, leaving thousands drooling and staring out the window hoping to in vain to see a naked celebrity
4. Google Is Everywhere - Google will continue to fill up caverns beneath its California headquarters with loot, and will also use their online ubiquity to gather even more data about you and your embarrassing personal interests. Updated user agreements on Google applications will give them the right to videotape the inside of your home and use the footage on Google Earth Closeups.
5. Radical Transparency - It’s not just for papparrazzi-bedevilled celebrities anymore. The trend will expand further with CEO’s blogging, and teens continuing to put their most humiliating moments on the internet. In 20 years everyone will know what everyone else looks like naked.
6. Wikipedia Less Useful - Stung by accusations of bias and inaccuracy, Wikepedia will say wtf and give up on being accurate and settle for just being fun. “Less facts, more nudity” will become the new mantra for online researchers.
7. Trouble in Media - Journalism won’t die just yet, but it might be time to call for the crash cart. News consumers will continue to move away from print and onto the internet, and will stubbornly refuse to pay for any kind of online information. With ad rates on the web far lower than for print, maintaining an expensive news gathering infrastructure will become increasingly impractical. Real journalists will disappear, leaving the field to thousands of citizen journalists and bloggers who will prove the truth of the old adage “you get what you pay for”.
8. Social Network Slowdown - Older folks and increasingly corporations will continue to flock to social networks like Facebook, until they realize that it’s actually pretty boring and not all that useful, at which point growth will slow down rapidly. People will also recognize that they don’t want to show the same face to their boss, their 8 year old nephew, and their drinking buddies.
9. Cell Phone Video - The idea of watching TV on handhelds will finally take off, at least for the a couple years until everybody goes blind.
10. Online Crime - The biggest growth industry in tech will continue to expand in leaps and bounds, since the cost of investigating and prosecuting it make it essentially risk-free. Security researchers will stay one step ahead of the bad guys, but if you really want to be safe, on top of your anti-malware protection you’re going to want to keep one computer for surfing and one for shopping and banking. Better yet, prepare for retirement by going down and harassing the tellers in person.
11. Greening Up - Everything will go green, or at least look green, this year. Gadgets will get recycled, data centres will install solar roofing, Steve Jobs will drive a Prius. In the meantime, 75 million humans will be added to the earth’s population, and every one of them is going to want a cell phone. It’s nice that we’re trying, though.